"A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it."
Today business authority Andrea Nierenberg has some great advice for when you're dealing with what you perceive to be a difficult client. You know, the person who always seems to be in a sour mood, and makes working together a pain. Take Nierenberg's advice and get them to smile!
"We all know there has been much research conducted on how smiling and laughing can prevent some disease and certainly stress and that it take less muscles to smile then it does to frown - so why does it sometimes seem so hard to give one away?" asks Nierenberg.
"I recently watched someone totally change when I said to him - 'you have a great smile' - it was like he became a different person. I took a chance because in our meeting, at first he epitomized a curmudgeon...I took a leap of faith and I'm glad that I did in this case."
"Often when I present on conflict resolution in my communications sessions, I start with a basic truth that the only person we can truly change is ourselves. So the next time we run into someone who seems difficult or who doesn't seem to have an approachable expression, we might need to change the way we interact."
Take a quick look at my S.M.I.L.E. principle. I hope it brings one to your face after you review the list.
S. Stay in control. Think about how your responses could be perceived by others. See things from the other person's point of view.
M. Make yourself be 'heard'. This has little to do with volume or emotion. It is about speaking clearly, and in a style others can appreciate. To understand the other - observe and listen to them, discover their hot buttons and don't push them.
I. Involve the other person by asking questions. Listen to the answers carefully. Then you can respond to their concerns and ask more questions that will address issues that interest you both.
L. Let go. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away. Sometimes you have to give the situation a rest. When you come back, you will see it from a different perspective.
E. Keep your ego in check and at the door. Your conscience needs to be your guide and maintain respect for the other person. The goal needs to be for both parties to win the war over the challenge, even if you have to surrender the battle.
It is always our choice. We can go through life fighting a battle or we can choose to sign peace agreements. Not always easy - yet the rewards are much greater with the latter.
Here are a few more thoughts on 'sweetening' a sour relationship:
*Reframe what the other person said to you. Play back the message. This time use words that convey a more positive idea. Ask yourself was there something constructive that we took as criticizing?
*Edit your comments. Phrase your reply so that you put 'water' on the fire instead of gasoline. Again - easier said then done - and it takes practice not to strike back.
*Listen. We have been given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Research shows that often we listen with only 13% efficiency. Make a point to listen and not interrupt.
*Disarm. Help the other person see the situation as a mutual challenge and that you are in it together. Stay in control, even if the other person wants to do something else. Staying calm can be a persuasion tactic - and you may very well reach an agreement.
Andrea Nierenberg is the president of The Nierenberg Group, a business communications company with a total process for educating, motivating and connecting people. Learn more at www.nierenberggroup.com
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